Cheers Noodles.
Jokes anyone???
This is something we have all probably seen before, but it is a classic, and deserves to be on this site.
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers,
Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine.That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers,
Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine.That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird
section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take
four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for
the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the
top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts
one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the
bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
NO, THERE'S MORE ...
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting
either!"
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of
which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping, den
Seamus
parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!"
section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take
four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for
the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the
top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts
one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the
bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
NO, THERE'S MORE ...
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting
either!"
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of
which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping, den
Seamus
parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!"
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should
you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE....
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should
you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE....
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
When girls don't put out!! This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart. Ladies -- Please have a sense of humour!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
PS Not written by Boonie.........I wouldn't get sex for a month after that one
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
PS Not written by Boonie.........I wouldn't get sex for a month after that one
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young well endowed blonde Swiss girl.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.
An extra ordinary newspaper advertisement saying "A life time opportunity for every single female, A MALE mall, where you can shop and choose you future husband" On the door of the mall, a sign saying: ''Terms and Rules''
1. Every woman has only one visit to the mall
2.The mall has 6 floors
3. Men are categorized from good to better as you go to the higher levels
4. A woman has a right to choose from any floor
5. A woman is only allowed to move upstairs
6. Women are only allowed to move down stairs for exit
7. No revisits are allowed to a lower floor once the woman reached the higher one
Our lady came to the Mall, hoping to find a good man to share her life with . She took the stairs up to the first floor to read a sign saying
First floor: Men with Careers, Curious she followed her way up to the second floor, reading the sign
Second floor: Men with career and adore children, Filled with excitement our lady continues to the next level
Third floor: Men with careers adore children and remarkably handsome, She couldn't help herself, its getting better and better, following her dream to the next floor where the sign said
Fourth floor: Men with careers adore children remarkably handsome and Help around the house, The future bride grew wings and flew with excitement to the next level searching for the sign saying
fifth floor: Men with careers adore children remarkably handsome help around the house and obey all the way, Her eyes grew wide, panting, her heart pounded off her chest only to find her soul racing her legs to the top floor to read the sign
Sixth floor, you are the visitor number 18284987. There are no men on this floor. This floor was added to the mall to prove that no matter what, women can not be satisfied, never settle with what in hand, always wishing for more, even if they don't need it!
1. Every woman has only one visit to the mall
2.The mall has 6 floors
3. Men are categorized from good to better as you go to the higher levels
4. A woman has a right to choose from any floor
5. A woman is only allowed to move upstairs
6. Women are only allowed to move down stairs for exit
7. No revisits are allowed to a lower floor once the woman reached the higher one
Our lady came to the Mall, hoping to find a good man to share her life with . She took the stairs up to the first floor to read a sign saying
First floor: Men with Careers, Curious she followed her way up to the second floor, reading the sign
Second floor: Men with career and adore children, Filled with excitement our lady continues to the next level
Third floor: Men with careers adore children and remarkably handsome, She couldn't help herself, its getting better and better, following her dream to the next floor where the sign said
Fourth floor: Men with careers adore children remarkably handsome and Help around the house, The future bride grew wings and flew with excitement to the next level searching for the sign saying
fifth floor: Men with careers adore children remarkably handsome help around the house and obey all the way, Her eyes grew wide, panting, her heart pounded off her chest only to find her soul racing her legs to the top floor to read the sign
Sixth floor, you are the visitor number 18284987. There are no men on this floor. This floor was added to the mall to prove that no matter what, women can not be satisfied, never settle with what in hand, always wishing for more, even if they don't need it!
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.
Re: Jokes anyone???
The Half-Wit
A man owned a small farm in the south west of WA.
The Department of Consumer & Employment Protection heard that he was not
paying proper wages to his employees and sent an agent down to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board. The
cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $450 per week plus free
room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours
every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes
about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle
of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife
occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
A man owned a small farm in the south west of WA.
The Department of Consumer & Employment Protection heard that he was not
paying proper wages to his employees and sent an agent down to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board. The
cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $450 per week plus free
room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours
every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes
about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle
of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife
occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Re: Jokes anyone???
Golf on Christmas Morning
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, 'Let's do it!
We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.'
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, 'Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it.'
The second guy says, 'I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.'
The third guy says 'Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.'
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
'I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf.' . . .. and she said . 'Take a sweater.'
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, 'Let's do it!
We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.'
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, 'Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it.'
The second guy says, 'I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.'
The third guy says 'Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.'
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
'I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf.' . . .. and she said . 'Take a sweater.'
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Re: Jokes anyone???
Maori clock
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall .
"What's that big brass gong for ?" one of the friend's asked .
"Issss nod a gong . Issss a talking Maori clock" he drunkenly replied .
"A talking Maori clock - seriously ?"
"Yup . " "Hmmm (hic) . "
"How's it work ?" the second friend asked, squinting at it .
"Just watch" he said .
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back . His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence .
Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
"For f*#k's sake, you stupid peanut . It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!"
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall .
"What's that big brass gong for ?" one of the friend's asked .
"Issss nod a gong . Issss a talking Maori clock" he drunkenly replied .
"A talking Maori clock - seriously ?"
"Yup . " "Hmmm (hic) . "
"How's it work ?" the second friend asked, squinting at it .
"Just watch" he said .
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back . His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence .
Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
"For f*#k's sake, you stupid peanut . It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!"
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Re: Jokes anyone???
Now someone sent me this one and I had to post it
Confessions of a hooker
A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession.
Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played for Manly. . .. .
Confessions of a hooker
A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession.
Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played for Manly. . .. .
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
-
Oliver
- Administrator
- Posts: 3424
- Joined: Thursday Jul 22, 2004 1:22 am
- Location: West Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
The diesel fitter
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter."
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter."
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel Fitter."
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter."
Re: Jokes anyone???
Kevin Rudd went to an outback community to talk about the stolen generation...
The tribal elders said they know nothing about a fkn stolen generator...
The tribal elders said they know nothing about a fkn stolen generator...
I freely admit that I was Very Very Drunk....
"They speak of my drinking, but never consider my thirst."
Re: Jokes anyone???
Little johnny walked in on his mum and dad one night only to see his mum with her legs in the air screaming with extacy!
The next day johnny asked his father about this and his father replied " oh that, dont worry son thats just mummy praying to god and she holds her legs in the air so god can grab them when hes ready and pull her up to heaven"
When johnnys father came home the next day from work johnny walked up to him and said " daddy, daddy mum was praying again today" and his father said " what do you mean son" " well dad mummy was lying on the bed like the other night with her legs in the air screaming OH LORD IM COMING............ and if it wasnt for the milkman lying on top of her i reckon she would have f@#$ing made it to"
The next day johnny asked his father about this and his father replied " oh that, dont worry son thats just mummy praying to god and she holds her legs in the air so god can grab them when hes ready and pull her up to heaven"
When johnnys father came home the next day from work johnny walked up to him and said " daddy, daddy mum was praying again today" and his father said " what do you mean son" " well dad mummy was lying on the bed like the other night with her legs in the air screaming OH LORD IM COMING............ and if it wasnt for the milkman lying on top of her i reckon she would have f@#$ing made it to"
Cheers
Leigh
Leigh
Re: Jokes anyone???
Made it 'to' where Lethal?
Grammar Nazi on patrol...
Grammar Nazi on patrol...
A beer in the hand is worth two in George Bush...
"They say beer will make me dumb. It are go good with pizza"
Psychostick
"They say beer will make me dumb. It are go good with pizza"
Psychostick
Re: Jokes anyone???
lucky this is the "jokes" thread.Notice Lethal is ignoring us
A beer in the hand is worth two in George Bush...
"They say beer will make me dumb. It are go good with pizza"
Psychostick
"They say beer will make me dumb. It are go good with pizza"
Psychostick