bits and pieces/THE SHITY
STEINLARGER PROJECT

John Abbott's charming email to us.
“Mate ya sites shit!!! It sucks ass Aussie beer like Carlton cold is better than ya f***in shity steinlarger! GROW SO BALLS YA F***IN WEAK PIECE OF SHIT!!!!”

(Why not send John Abbott an email.)
An email to John Abbott from okka aussie, a visitor to Oliver and Geoff's Homebrew and Beer Page (April 2002)
Dear Mr Abbott.

I hear that you are under the delusion that Carlton Cold is a superior beer to its European cousins such as Steinlager and the like.

Unfortunately, it is opinions such as this that inhibit the production in our own wonderful country of the full bodied, aromatic and somewhat enjoyable beers found around the world.

You will find that Oliver and Geoff are not, in any way, trying to say that Australia is inferior to other countries, but that in its relatively short brewing life it has not yet reached the maturity shown by other well established nations that is required to produce in any large quantities a beer worthy of praise.

This lack of maturity, it seems, is constantly encouraged by the unsightly large population of red-necks who have been brought up with the lie that a pale, tasteless, watery, amber liquid can be placed in the same category as beer. This is, of course, as absurd as suggesting that lemonade is part of the cola family, or tofu is not only a substitute for, but equal to, meat.

Please, I implore you, break through all the lies you have been fed since you were a child, and try, with an open mind, the delicacy that we call beer.

Who knows, you could even come to appreciate the wonders of a true beer enough to inspire you to create some of your own.But until that day, drink up on the Carlton Cold. That way, CUB might make enough profits to pave the way to a true Australian beer!!!!!!

okka aussie

An email from Ken supporting our theory that John Abbott is a moron (May 2002)
Dear Oliver and Geoff,

As a keen home brewer, I feel that John is exactly one of those guys who hasn't evolved completely and still clubs his women and drags them home. I'm also assuming that with that narrow-minded, red-neck attitude, that this would be the only way that he would be able to get any 'person' even closly resembling a women back to his trailer park, where he would endulge in his nightly ritual of of steak and three veg.

People like John give the 'ugly Australian' title a new meaning.

Long live the home brewers that are adventurous enough to enjoy the wonderful tastes and flavors offered to us from around the globe.

Cheers,

Ken

An email from Greg backing our assertion that Carlton Cold is a crap beer and John Abbott doesn't know what he's talking about (June 2002).
Carlton Cold is a looonnnnnggggg way down my list of preferred beers. So far,infact, that a rum an coke comes before it. Any beer that has a “use-by” date of a couple of months has to be suspicious.

It is years since I have had a stienlager. Is the Kiwi Drop any good? (Reference against a HB Coopers Lager with 1kg of Dextrose and follow the instructions)

Greg

An email from John questioning the state of Mr Abbott's taste buds (June 2002)
Dear Oliver & Geoff,

I, like Ken am a avid home brewer, I have checked out most of the home brewing web sites looking for further info, recipes etc. so that I can experience the different tastes and flavors that home brews have to offer.

As for Mr. John Abbott, well first of all I'm wondering what he is doing at your web site if he is not a home brewer, and secondly, where did he earn his qualification as a taste tester for CUB?

This idiot needs to get a life. Mr Abbott, you should wait until you've reached the required drinking age in your state and then sample some of the good beers that the world has to offer before spewing out your criticism, at least after that you might not have your taste buds in your arse.

There are a lot of good Aussie beers on the market as there are a lot of good overseas beers, and not forgetting that home brew can be made to equal any of them.

As Ken said: Long live the home brewer!

Regards, John

A note from Malcolm about the football team for which John Abbott likely barracks (June 2002)
To say that John Abbott is a moronic red neck and most likley also a Collingwood supporter is an understatement. [Note from Oliver: Collingwood is an Australian rules football team that is renowned for its feral supporters.]

To state that Carlton Cold is better than Steinlarger may be a matter of taste (even if it is a very poor one) but John's email lacks any spec of taste or evidence of even a basic education.

p.s to okka aussie Steinlarger last time i looked is a fine product from New Zealand not Europe

Malcolm

A warning from an anonymous person from Gladstone, Queensland, Australia (July 2002)
I think this letter is a good example of what happens when you drink Carlton Cold.Let this be a warning to all of us.

From Jarrod, in South Australia (November 2002)
Well I think most Aussie beers are bland other than the premium lager like Crown and Cascade.

I personly think the Germans make the best beers. They have a lot more flavour as they stuck to the Reinheitsgebot purity law but most european beers are good.

As for Carlton Cold, it is the most bland beer I have had; just as bad as the American beers. It is even Worse than my local beer, West End Draught (note: this is a South Australian Beer)..

So if you don't like Kiwi or European beers and must drink Aussie beer then drink Cooper's Pale Ale or Spakling Ale. That's if you have any palate or taste.

One of the best letters yet, from Simon, about John Abbott's delusions (December 2002)
Yes John, Carlton Cold is a beaut beer
Elvis is alive
Look there is a UFO!!
My my, flying pigs …

I think you get the picture

Oh, and John, pick up a dictionary and look up the following BIG word:
S A R C A S M

Nuff said

CUB = MUCK

sjb (homebrew apprentice)

And one from Neil (June 2003)
Dear Lads,

I read with interest the initial tirade from (heeey) Abbott and agree with the assertion that his tastes in beer leave a lot to be desired.

The problem with most macro-brewed beers is the very high proportion of sugar in the brew that provides alcohol but not flavour and mouthfeel. It is unfortunate that many people's tastebuds have not matured beyond that of the dumbed-down beer like this and other commercial beer.

From an Australian perspective we can look at Coopers, Little Creatures, the Goat beers and James Squire for examples of excellent beer, which in my opinion are superior to Steinlager and the other so-called premium beers. I do not rate Steinlager very highly in comparison to these beers, but I believe it is superior to CC and many of the other mass-produced beers.

I actually find it amusing when people say that they are a drinker of a specific beer when in fact the characterless nature of most beers like VB, Tooheys, etc render them virtually unrecognisable from each other.

To be patriotic about a beer, as many Australians are, is an absurdity. The flavour of a Pilsner Urquell, a Chimay or Fullers London Pride are distinctive and superior to most of the beers produced in this country.

I find it amusing that Abbott would decry other beers when I bet his diet would include foods from many parts of the world. (Pizza actually comes from Italy, Abbott.)

A final note, which is a negative one, is to Malcolm. I happen to be a Collingwood supporter and do not accept his appellation of “feral”. Malcolm, mate, if you are going to provide a good argument either be in possession of the facts (i.e. prove that all Magpie fans are inferior) or shut up. I have seen ugly supporters from all clubs and while he may not be popular with non-Magpies, Eddie is anything but feral.

A poem from Ronald (June 2004)
Mr abbots opinion is I believe is worthy of praise,
for though drinker of CUB might suffer that tasteless malaise.

And braindead from repeated consumption of such,
have difficulty comprehending that steinlager is much.

More than a dutchy dirt-tasting drop,
exuded from trans-tasman sheep f---ing stock?

While here the beloved carlton is tops,
watery nectar to quench a hard workers thirst.

You can stick your puncy boutique sipping set,
Yuppie haircuts soft penpushing fingers and all,
I'll embrace what is australian lest culturally we fall…


From Matt (April 2004)
John Abbott does not seem to be a homebrewer, otherwise I would challenge him to make a brew to match or better his Carlton Cold.

I would think that a homebrewer's goal is to match their favourite brew (don't tell John, but that may not always be Carlton Cold) and try a few other styles on the way.

I wish John luck if he were to try and make a better beer than Carlton Cold. Surely an impossible task.

So, stupid homebrewers should give up on their bewildered dreams immediately … they have no hope … it appears that the ultimate beer has already been made! Get your Carlton Cold brew kit as soon as you can.

Matt
From D, July 2004
If you are going to be abused in such a way, then it should at least be by an Australian, and in my opinion John Abbott isn't one. No true blue Aussie that I know would say "ass". An ass is an animal, and even then we would call it a "bloody donkey". No, an Australian would have said that your site "sucked arse" and even then, probably done it with a little more flair than that.
From John (August 2004)
It would appear that Mr Abbott has finally emerged from the shallow end of the gene pool.

He exudes all the qualities of the 6 fingered banjo players whom exist in the vicinity of Moe.

Maybe sharing a Bourbon and a packet of Horizons with the Missus, whilst watching the Ruggies is more his style.

I cringe, half expecting to see a picture of this primate, exposing himself to the world in the “Home Blokes” section of the Picture magazine.

Those piercings and tatts have gotta hurt.

I note with interest that Carlton Cold is the beer of reference, not Carlton Crown? Maybe only every second Thursday then?

Brew on Brothers!
From Peter (December 2004)
John, some people cause happiness wherever they go; some cause it whenever they go.
Bill Angus (May 2005)
Malcolm's email from 2002 has got it very wrong. Someone of Mr Abbott's outstanding intelligence could never barrack for Collingwood - not because their supporters aren't redneck morons - they are - but because the word Collingwood would be too long for him.

I suggest a team with a shorter name, perhaps “Carlton”, may be nearer the mark.
From DJ (January 2006)
I can see what "boring beer" has done to John's already diminished brain cells. Maybe he needs to get the taste of real beer and learn some culture.
From Iain (March 2006)
Without people like Mr Abbott our law enforcement agencies would most likely be unemployed.

Social workers would be unemployed.

Ford would have to reduce the production of F100s.
From Macca (October 2006)
I viewed your email on www.homebrewandbeer.com. As a fellow Aussie I must say your comments were snide and unfounded, mainly because Carlton Cold is much like making love in a canoe, its f---ing close to water! Carlton Cold is a beer brewed for the masses and as a result the quality of the beer seriously deteriorates as a search for higher volume and thus higher profit margin is sought.

If you are going to attack premium beers such as Steinlager, then I suggest you use examples of Australia's finer beers, such as Cascade Draught, Boags Draught, Boags St George, Moo Brew, James Squire Golden Ale and other well-rounded, fuller-flavoured beers.

Next time you have a disagreement with someone's opinions, try using some constructive criticism, else no one will take you at all seriously, least of all the intended parties.

CUB will love your comments on other beers and with little convincing im sure you will be able to get employment in their advertsing/slander department.
Line