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Oliver and Geoff

Oliver and Geoff
byOliver and Geoff, August 25, 2007
VB Original Ale
Smells revolting. Tastes better than it smells, and tastes better then VB, but that’s damning with faint praise. This is one of those odd beers that gets worse the more you drink. It’s not nice. Geoff thought it was worth 2.5 stars, Oliver reckoned 2. The incentive of being able to move onto the next beer resulted in a rating of 2.5 (in any event, our policy is to average and round down to the nearest half star in cases of disagreement, so why waste valuable drinking time arguing when the result may well have been the same?)
byOliver and Geoff, July 25, 2007
Label says: “Serve ice cold.” We say: “Smells like Carlton Cold. But tastes better than it smells. So it’s better than Carlton Cold.” Oliver: “Has a hint of a taste that beer shouldn’t have.” MS: “Dirty.” Not real flash. In fact, a shit beer.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Tooheys New
As bad as Tooheys Red (well, almost), but in a different way. Nothingness, in a bad way. Bud was nothing. This is disgustingness.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Red Duck Unfiltered Porter
"Dark, intense and powerful ale." Sweet nose, sweet taste, sweet beer. Malty and perfectly balanced. A great, great beer.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Moo Brew Wheat Beer
Yeasty. Straw-coloured. Typical wheat beer bubblegum flavour. Clingy, finely beaded, foamy, soapy head that covers the surface thinly; like the backwash from a wave at the beach. Fruity. Classy from start to finish - the label, the shape of the bottle, the artwork on the label and, most importantly, the beer.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Moo Brew Pale Ale
Pretty bloody good. Thick head, like whipped cream. Rich and magnificently malty. What else is there to say about this beer except that it smells good and tastes good. A big beer.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Monteith's Zesty Radler Bier
Smells like Fruit Tingles. An interesting beer. Has lemon juice added, making it a refreshing lager. Deserves kudos for its contribution to the world of beer. A German shandy, if you like, which tastes a little like half pilsner and half lemon, lime and soda. A beer cruiser! Shandy is dead, long live Radler Bier. We're going to have to wash the glasses well before the next tasting!

FOOTNOTE: Like others in the Monteith's range, this beer has had a name change. After we tasted it, the name became Monteith's Lemon and Lime Flavoured Radler Bier. So evidently there's a bit of lime juice added as well as the lemon juice
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Monteith's Lively Pilsner
Best-before 9/07. Less fruity than most Australian takes on the pilsner style (which is no bad thing, as pilsners shouldn't be fruity). But this is not malty or bitter enough to be true to the style. Golden colour, with a skanky nose. Oliver: "I don't know about this one, Geoff." Not bad, but not good at the same time. The drunken conclusion: "A shit lager."

FOOTNOTE: Like other beers in the Monteith's range, this has also been renamed. While it was called Monteith's Lively Pilsner when we reviewed it, a year later it's called Monteith's Lively Hopped Pilsner.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Monteith's Hearty Black Beer
Smells dark. Geoff reckons it smells like a homebrew store. Complex. Nice. Like the little brother of Cooper's Best Extra Stout.

FOOTNOTE: It appears that this beer is now known as Monteith's Crisp and Smooth Black Beer. Those whacky New Zealanders.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Monteith's Golden Lager
True to its name: very golden. Skunky Smell, skunky taste. Disappointing. You could give this the benefit of the doubt and say it's approaching its use-by date of 10/06 and has not been stored well. But the fact remains that it may always have been crap.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Little Creatures Pilsner
Like most Aussie pilsners, this is too fruity of nose and taste to be true to the style. A nice enough beer nonetheless. Fine beading makes it like Solo … "Light on the fizz so you can slam it down fast". And a hint of the dreaded Pride of Ringwood. Consumed from bottle as travellers from the Grovedale Hotel bottle shop after Geoff picked up Oliver from Geelong Railway Station.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Little Creatures Bright Ale
Citrus nose. Citrus taste. Very good sessional beer, if perhaps somewhat of a "girl's beer". Light body, light flavour. "Lite" Little Creatures Pale Ale, for the ladies.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Aged in rum barrels (Bundy barrels?). Good head. Fine, lovely taste. Smooth. Tastes like porter that's been aged in a rum barrel.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Bondi Blonde
Sounds dodgy. Smells dodgy. Is fairly dodgy. A completely unbalanced beer. Sweet and not much else. One-dimensional. Geoff: "You can't be having that!"
Not to be confused with Bondi Blonde Lager, although about a year after we tasted this beer, the website address that was printed on the bottle, www.bondibeer.com.au, redirects to the Bondi Blonde Lager site.
byOliver and Geoff, September 16, 2006
Tooheys Red Bitter
Smells foul. Soapy head. Is this beer? Nothing to recommend it. Quite disgusting.
byOliver and Geoff, February 4, 2006
Monteith's Dry Kilned Celtic Red Beer
Transluscent copper colour. Solid head. Geoff: “It's Chicago's greatest hits; you can't fault it. You may not always want to drink it, but it's a great example of the style.” (It was late. Sorry.)

FOOTNOTE: Like just about the entire Monteith's range, this beer has had a name change. It was originally called Monteith's Rich Celtic Beer, but is now called Monteith's Dry Kilned Celtic Red Beer. Why the name change is anyone's guess. But due to the name change, we inadvertently retasted this. Interestingly, though, the first bottle we had was newer stock. We know that because it was labelled with the new name. The fact that it didn't rate as highly second time around may well be due to the fact that it was much older stock by the time we drank it than at the first tasting.

Inadvertent retasting: 16.9.06
Best-before 11/06. Similar colour to the Pale Ale. Tasty Enough. Smoky and burnt flavour. Thin head. OK.

RATING: Three stars
byOliver and Geoff, February 4, 2006
Lucky Beer
One of the ladies commented: “It smells odd.” Lisa: “Too sweet. Life's too short.” Geoff: “It's not a good beer. It's a beer breezer.” We reckon it's called Lucky Beer because you'd be lucky if you could finish it. Rating is based on one star for being beer (as far as we can tell) and half a star for not being the worst beer we've ever had.
byOliver and Geoff, February 4, 2006
Initial impression was favourable, but by the end of the glass, we weren't quite so impressed. Oliver: “Never trust a beer with a cartoon on its label. Having said that, it's a reasonably sweet, well-balanced beer. Perhaps hopped with Fuggles?”
byOliver and Geoff, February 4, 2006
Bridge Road Australian Ale
Tastes like a cross between a Coopers Sparkling Ale and a Little Creatures Pale Ale. Geoff: In a blind tasting between this and Little Creatures you'd be tested to pick between them. It's not a sessional beer, and it's a bit rougher around the edges than LCPA, but that's not to detract from it. Copper colour. Very nice.

We tasted this again on 27.6.09:
Nice golden colour and a good taste. Smells like … nothing.
Geoff: “This smells like a fart about half an hour after you've had a really big crap: completely odourless.”
This is so odourless that when guest reviewer Gav, who had not been privy to Oliver and Geoff's conversation, was asked what it smelt like he took a big sniff and replied, “Nothing.”
Gav: “A nice ale. Nothing spectacular.”
byOliver and Geoff, May 21, 2005
San Miguel Pale Pilsner
One of the diciest of lagers. Disgusting. Oliver: "Oh, God."

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